Tips on Building A Healthy Relationship With Yourself in 2021

Posted by Dr. Mariel Buqué on


Today, we hear from Dr. Mariel Buqué about building a healthier relationship with yourself!

All of your relationships carry with them a reflection of the relationship you have with yourself. That is why focusing on the ways you treat yourself daily can be so beneficial to all of the relationships you hold in life. However, it can have so many added benefits to your overall well-being.


A healthy relationship with your inner self can be developed no matter where you are in life or where your life journey has taken you. It is an essential part of having a fulfilling life and more secure bonding. When you are more highly attuned to your own needs and are more aware of who you are, you carry that insight with you everywhere you go. When you develop greater insight about your internal world, you benefit in so many ways. Here's a few ways you'll know you're developing your inner self.

You learn to embrace your whole self

All of the parts of who you are, both the ones you perceive to be desirable and the ones you typically wish you could cast aside, are loved. You become more accepting of all that is you, regardless of how others may feel about it. This is what embodying full self-acceptance looks life.

You build greater self-compassion

You start to care for the parts of you that feel more tender and more vulnerable. Your capacity to care for yourself in these ways is how you also establish healthy coping, particularly in the moments when life can feel more stressful and trigger those gentle parts of your inner self.

It helps you feel more grounded

In those moments where you start to feel like you’re not quite like yourself, your inner knowledge and compassion will kick in and you will know exactly what you need to feel grounded again. You can give yourself that extra boost you needed. But it takes knowing yourself well to get there.


It’s in the little everyday gifts you can give yourself. Here are a few starters to get you on your way:

Slow down your day by taking mindful moments.

At the top of your day, you can sip your morning beverage slowly and take in the aromas and warm or cool sensations. Add a little extra mindfulness by thinking of how grateful you are for this very moment. This has the capacity to set the tone for whole day. But don’t stop there. Mindful moments can be created all day. It’s simply a matter of being present with each passing moment you spend by yourself.

Journal a note to yourself.

What would you like to say to your inner self? Perhaps you can write a thoughtful letter to yourself to offer some compassion and grace for the day ahead. You build compassion through daily practice so consider how this can be a quick 5-minute daily practice to fit into your day.

Speak to yourself in a gentle way.

We all have multiple ways we speak to ourselves. Having a gentle inner voice can offer a healthy way of relating to yourself and validating your lived experience. This is especially so if you have a tough inner critic. Sometimes a soothing gentle inner voice can offer a much needed balance.

Remember that a relationship with yourself is one that you have every day, so integrating this into your daily life is a way to ensure that you’re drawing in intention into the longest and most sacred relationship you will ever have. It is a daily choice. It is a lifestyle.

May you find curiosity, compassion, and joy in all the moments you spend with yourself!


About the author, Dr. Mariel Buquè


Dr. Mariel Buqué (@dr.marielbuque) is a Columbia University-trained Psychologist. Her work centers on healing wounds of intergenerational trauma for Black and Indigenous People of Color (BIPOC), holistic mental wellness, and the decolonization of eurocentric healing practices. She also focuses on delivering healing and anti-racism workshops, as she believes in the liberation of our minds and of oppressive systems as necessary qualities of our overall wellness.

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